The Back-Up Angel
Deep within Heaven’s gleaming, teeming headquarters there is a briskly efficient agency known as Angel Dispatch, from which celestial messengers are sent to Earth on missions big and small, countless times a day. It is here that we find the manager of the Special Announcements Division. He is less than pleased about summoning Jerome.
“I’ll be blunt, Jerome. You are not the first choice for this assignment. Gabriel has been our “go-to” angel for big ones like this, but this morning he suffered a harp attack.”
“You mean heart attack?”
“No, he was tuning his harp and it fell on him. Broke his left wing. Meanwhile, the rest of the Division foolishly held an after-work party in the polluted atmosphere above Los Angeles—they just can’t stay away from the City of Angels—and now all of them are quarantined with possible Mad Cloud Disease.”
“I’m sorry to hear it, sir. That’s a lot of fallen angels! But you can count on me!”
“Can I, Jerome? Your previous appearance on Earth has left me skeptical. Just before the Israelites crossed over into the Promised Land, you showed up unauthorized and told Moses that all two million of them were to enter in one big conga line.”
“It was April Fool’s Day.”
“We take our work here seriously, Jerome. I am only calling upon you at the recommendation of our Almighty Commander. He wants to give you a second chance. Now, pay attention. You’re to go to Bethlehem tonight and appear before the shepherds in the fields. You’ll be announcing to them the birth of Jesus.”
“The birth of… Sir, you can’t be serious! I get to make THE announcement?? The one that changes EVERYTHING?! The big broadcast we’ve all been waiting for?!! ME??!”
“I repeat: not our first choice.”
“Sir, I won’t let you down!”
“We have it planned to the last detail. You will report to Wardrobe; they have something purple and gold picked out for you to wear. At the appointed moment, you will appear at precise coordinates and make the following announcement: “Do not be afraid…“
“Oh, I won’t be afraid. I actually look good in purple.”
“I’m not talking about you. The shepherds will be frightened, so greet them warmly with calming words. Here’s what you are to say: “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people…”
“I bring you great news of good joy that will—“
“No, no… good news of great joy.”
“Good news of great joy that will beat up all the people.”
“That will be for all the people.”
“That will be for all the people.”
“Let me hear the whole sentence, please, Jerome.”
“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.”
“Very good.”
“I bring you very good news of great joy that—“
“No, no. I meant ‘Very good that you got the sentence right.’
“Oh, thank you!”
“One more time.”
“Oh, thank you!”
“No, Jerome… the announcement sentence. Repeat in full, please.”
“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.”
“Let’s continue: ‘Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you.’”
“Today in the town of David a Savior has been bored with you.”
“Born to you.”
“A Savior has been born to you.”
“He is Christ the Lord.”
“Yes, I know.”
“I know you know, Jerome. We’re telling this to the shepherds. It’s part of the announcement.”
“Oh. A Savior has been born to you. He is Christ the Lord.”
“This will be a sign to you…”
“You already told me that.”
“Told you what?”
“That this will be assigned to me. The announcement.”
“No, no… ‘This will be a sign to you’…”
“Yes, I heard you, sir. I understand. I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity.”
“Jerome, I’m getting a migraine.”
“I recommend acupuncture, sir. There’s a great place nearby called A Needle in a Halo.”
“May we finish please? Your last line is: ‘This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’”
“This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. Got it.”
“As soon as you’re done, the Music Department will have a massive choir appear behind you to sing a praise song.”
“Can I do a little rapping?”
“No.”
“Sir, just one more thing…”
“What is it, Jerome?”
“If, as part of their celebration, the shepherds form a conga line, it had nothing to do with me.”
“Get going, Jerome. We’re counting on you to deliver the announcement perfectly, line by line. Don’t fumble this.”
“Not to worry, sir. I feel like all along this moment has been my density.”
“Destiny.”
“That’s the word.”